TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUALITY, ALLUSION TO EATING DISORDER
In high school I was envious
of the bulimic girl, her legs thinner
than mine would ever be. I ran
cross country and track, ran
100 miles a week, ran my hand
over the hollow of my belly.
When I fucked a classmate’s
older brother he marveled
that his hands could wrap
around my thigh. He fed me
his cock and because I thought
this meant it was love I opened
my mouth like a baby bird – hungry
and wanting. The next day I had
a new noun behind my name:
now I was a skinny slut instead
of just skinny. I snacked on iceberg
lettuce, extolled the merits of rice
cakes, carried an apple with me like
I was trying to decide if I believed
the snake: would the knowledge
be worth that first crisp bite?
~after Kim Addonizio
Love me like a horror film, when the virgin
is stumbling through the dark in a short skirt
and kitten heels - completely impractical yet
anticipated. Love me like the water cascading
from a waterfall, unable to stop its headlong
dive over the rocky edge. Do it without asking -
swipe the salt-shaker from the diner, walk out
on the check. Love me like a hurricane,
meteorologists predicting a path you refuse
to follow. Tear up the coast and head inland,
toss the palm trees like confetti at midnight.
Revel in the mess left in your wake. Do it
in the only bathroom at a house party,
when there's a line queued up and waiting
but I'm balanced on the edge of the sink
and you're between my legs. Wrap your
fist in my hair and pull me close. Watch
in the mirror. Love me when it's late
and the road stretches before us like taffy.
When you're asleep in the passenger
seat and the dog is asleep in the backseat
and only the radio keeps me company.
We'll switch and you'll drive the last three
hours and I'll fight sleep but eventually nod
off and when I wake we'll be home and we'll be
happy here, if you love me like that.
Courtney LeBlanc is the author of the full length collections Exquisite Bloody, Beating Heart (Riot in Your Throat) and Beautiful & Full of Monsters (Vegetarian Alcoholic Press), chapbooks All in the Family (Bottlecap Press) and The Violence Within (Flutter Press). She is also the founder and Editor-in-Chief of Riot in Your Throat, an independent poetry press. She loves nail polish, tattoos, and a soy latte each morning. Read her publications on her blog: www.wordperv.com. Follow her on twitter: @wordperv, and IG: @wordperv79.